SSB Kindergarten
by turquoisefox
Summary: Here by popular request! If you thought high school fics were crazy, wait til you see this! Some characters from other games appear.


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters used here. That's what makes it a fanfiction.

  
  


A/N: Expect plenty of out-of-character behavior. For the sake of this story, everyone is the same age, so just bear with me. The Pokemon can't talk, so they won't be attending school. I may be able to stick them in somewhere, though. *evil grin* Italicized words are thoughts.

  
  


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The morning bell rang, signaling the beginning of the first day of school. Why did I ever take this job? Joanna Dark wondered. I thought being a secret agent was tough, but I don't know anything about kids. I'll just have to see where this takes me... She scanned her roll list one more time. It read:

Mario

Luigi

Bowser

Peach

Yoshi

Douglas(prefers to go by "Captain Falcon", read a note scribbled by principal Donkey Kong)

Ganondorf (What kind of name is that? Miss Dark wondered.)

Falco

Fox 

Ness

Nana

Popo

Kirby

Samus

Zelda

Link (What's with kids and their strange names these days?)

Marth

Roy

Isaac

Ivan

Mia 

Garet

Malon

Mido

Saria

Conker 

Berri

"Twenty-seven children, and only one of me. THIS should be interesting...." 

Just then, the students began filing in. Miss Dark put on her best enthusiastic smile and greeted them. "Good morning boys and girls. I hope we'll have lots of fun together this year," she said in a sappy voice.

"Good morning, Miss Dark," the students chorused.

Then, one boy with red hair spoke up. "School sucks. We can't bring our swords!"

The teacher looked at the boy's nametag. Thank goodness she insisted her students wear 

them until she learned who they all were. "Roy, that kind of language is not appropriate for school."

"But he's right," complained another boy, also redheaded. "Why can't we bring swords?"

Miss Dark sighed disgustedly. "Because, Garet, you're not supposed to hurt anyone." What's with these kids and weapons? At least I waited until I was a teenager to take interest in guns, she thought.

"I wanna bring my sword too!" a blond boy whined.

"So do I," three others chimed in."

"Link, Isaac, Ivan, Marth, this is the last time I'm going to say this: NO SWORDS ALLOWED IN SCHOOL! And that goes for any other weapons. Now that's settled, why don't you put your things in your cubbies? They're on the back wall over there. Your names are on them."

"But Miss Dark," a dinosaur-looking creature replied, "I can't read yet."

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why didn't I remember that kindergarten students can't usually read? Joanna mentally scolded herself. "I'll show you, Yoshi."

A little girl said suddenly, "I can read. Do you want me to help?"

Her teacher smiled. "That would be very nice of you, Zelda. And while you're all back there, take off your hats, tiaras, and any other headgear. I personally don't see why it's not allowed, but you can't wear them inside the building." About half the students removed various items from their heads, grumbling. "And Berri," Miss Dark continued, "I'll let it slide since today's the first day, but in the future, you can't come to school dressed like that."

Berri looked at her belly-baring shirt and short shorts. "I thought I looked cute," she muttered to herself.

Once belongings were put away and the students were seated, Miss Dark continued. "All right, class, since today's the first day, let's start with something easy. I'm going to pass out some pictures for you to color, and we can all get to know each other." She handed each student a photocopied page from a coloring book, then set a box of crayons on each table. 

"I don't wanna color a stupid butterfly!" a boy dressed in a red shirt and overalls complained. "It's sissy!"

"And I don't like clowns. They're scary!" wailed a redheaded girl.

Miss Dark sighed. "All right. Mario, will you and Malon trade pictures?" 

The two children nodded enthusiastically. Suddenly, Joanna's attention was caught by a pink puffy child. "No, no, Kirby. We color with the crayons. We don't EAT them!"she cried. Two other students had gotten hold of the glue and were sucking it from the bottles. "Zelda! Mia! We need to use that glue."

"But I'm hungry!" Mia complained.

"Wait until snacktime." Joanna instructed. "Bowser! What are you doing? Color on the paper, not the table! Crayon stains are hard to remove, and Janitor Game & Watch gets cranky when he has to do extra work.

"I want my mommy!" a boy cried.

"Don't be a wuss, Ness!" 

"What's a wuss? I just want my mommy!"

Joanna put a comforting arm around Ness. "That's enough, Ganondorf. Leave him alone. It's ok, Ness. You'll make lots of friends here, and we're going to have fun. You'll see."

"You're still a wuss," Ganondorf commented. His teacher glared.

When coloring time was over, Joanna called the children to the story corner. "What do you want me to read to you?" she asked.

"Comic books!" Marth yelled.

"Comic books are stupid," Conker said. "Let's read something with lots of killing."

"No, Conker," Joanna said. "No violence. And I don't have any comic books. How about this one? It's a book about Barney the Dinosaur."

"YAY! I love Barney!" Isaac called out.

"Me too!" replied Samus and Mido.

"I love you, you love me..." Peach sang. Saria and Fox joined in.

"Shut up!" Falco snapped. "You can't sing."

"That's mean, Falco," Saria pouted.

"Settle down, class." Joanna urged. "Since you're all so full of energy, why not skip story time today and we'll go on to playtime?" Anything to stop that song. It's annoying as hell.

"Let's play house!" Saria suggested. "I'll be the mommy, and Link can be my baby!"

"Yuck! I don't wanna be the baby. Make Mido be the baby!"

"This doll can be the baby," Peach suggested, holding up a Barbie. "I'll be the big sister."

"I'll be the brother, then," Link said."

"Who's going to be my husband?" Saria asked. "What about you, Douglas?"

"Call me Captain Falcon. And I'm not gonna be your husband. I wanna play with these toy airplanes!" He started running around the room with a plastic jet going 'vroom vroom'.

"Neither will I," Conker added, picking up a plane and joining him.

"I guess I'll be the father," Ivan said. "I don't have anyone to play with."

Saria grinned. "Great! Now, I'm going shopping, so you have to take care of our children." She put on high-heeled shoes from the dress-up box and walked over to the toy cash register serving as the 'store'. She immediately tripped and fell. Her classmates burst out laughing, and Saria began to sob.

"It's ok, Saria," Joanna reassured her. "They're not being mean. It's just funny when things happen like that. I'm sure you'll laugh too when someone falls next time."

Meanwhile, Zelda and Mia got out a toy makeup kit and tried to give Popo and Luigi makeovers. 

"I'm not wearing makeup! Boys don't wear makeup!" Luigi spat.

"Come on, you'll look so pretty," Mia coaxed.

"I'll help you," Nana cried enthusiastically. "I've always wondered what would happen if my brother wore lipstick!"

"NO!" Popo cried, but it was too late. Nana had smeared pink lipstick all over his face.

At the "house" area, Ganondorf had arrived and was bothering everyone. He grabbed the 'baby' from her cradle and stuffed her in the play oven.

"Miss Dark! Miss Dark!" Peach called frantically. "Ganondorf put our baby in the oven, and he's cooking her!"

"Play nice," Joanna instructed. "No cooking the babies. Say you're sorry."

"I'm sorry," he lied. Peach stuck out her tongue.

Marth, Roy, and Kirby had taken out the wooden blocks and were building a city. Yoshi looked at it. "Cool!" the dinosaur laughed. "Can I play?"

"Sure," Marth said. "You can build the supermarket, while Roy and I build the hotel. Kirby's making the restaurant."

The four children played happily, until Bowser showed up. "HAHAHA! I'm gonna knock these buildings down and crush the people!" he yelled, swiping at the block structures. Roy started bawling. 

Joanna came running. "What's wrong, Roy?" she asked.

"B-bowser knocked over our c-city!" he sniffed.

"Bowser! That was mean! You apologize!"

"No. I like knocking down cities.!"

"How would you feel if you built something and Roy broke it?"

"I'd punch Roy," he answered.

"That's not what you should do if you're mad. Say you're sorry and go sit in time out."

"I'm sorry....not!" Bowser smirked, then stomped over to the time-out chair.

"If you don't behave right now, I'm going to call Principal Kong. Do you want that?"

Bowser shook his head. When the teacher's back was turned, he tossed a block at Marth.

"OW!" Marth cried. "Who threw that?"

"I saw it," Bowser remarked. "Issac did it."

"That doo-doo head!" Marth shrieked, tossing a block at Isaac.

"Hey, what was that for?" Isaac snapped, looking up from playing 'ninja' with Garet and Samus. "You dummy!" he threw the block back at Marth, hitting Berri instead.

"Ow!"the squirrel screamed. "That hurt!" She hurled a doll at Isaac, who ducked, and it hit Garet in the face. 

"WAAAAAH!" Garet wailed, tossing it back, only to have the doll hit Falco. The Ice Climbers, eager to join in the fun, picked up stuffed animals and hurled them at the nearest targets, who happened to be Mario and Yoshi.

Before Miss Dark could do anything, toys sailed across the room. Students were crying, screaming, and insulting each other at the top of their lungs. 

Suddenly Joanna hollered, "STOP THAT ALL OF YOU! If you don't stop throwing the toys right now, I'm going to get the principal! Now pick up that mess you've made!"

The students obeyed. Without warning, Mido began howling.

"What is it, Mido?" Joanna asked, bending down to his level.

"I had an accident!" he said softly. Not softly enough, though, because Ganondorf overheard. 

"Hey everyone!" he announced. "Mido peed his pants! He's even more of a baby than Ness!"

"That's not funny, Ganondorf!" Mido sniffed. "I can't help it. My doctor said so."

"I bet he wets the bed, too!" the boy known as Captain Falcon added." "Pee-pee boy!" he taunted.

"Pee-pee boy! Pee-pee boy!" sang about half his classmates, joining in. Several others laughed. Mido began crying.

"And I'm not a baby!" Ness yelled.

Joanna was fuming. "Ganondorf, Falcon, you can go sit in time out with Bowser. I'm taking Mido to the office to call home. Malon, you and Link watch the class and tell me if anyone misbehaves." She took Mido by the hand and left the room. These brats are giving me a headache, and the day's not even half over. WHY did I take this job? 

****

If you don't know who a character is, review and ask!


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